I love you baby. I really do. =)
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Did we really make a mistake for being together???

We met in a place where i least expected to be. We ended up liking each other where i least expected it to be. Was it really a delusion or am i just blinded by love??? I never thought i would put my real feelings into this.. but i did. I thought i was like before but there was something in you made me believed in this world, there's still something like love. You clearly showed me how you can truly love a person when indeed, you did. When i asked for you, i was confident with what i had. But situations just proved me wrong, time after time.

Nothing particular happened. Just felt need to say out something. You are different from many girls that i'd met. Seriously, I really have no idea why im so into you. At some point of time, i did hold myself back to remind myself again. I even hold myself from saying "i miss you", 3 simpler words than "i love you". It makes me wonder if you are thinking why i miss you so much even we met just recently.. Its weird for me to even think of that..

However, I just dont know why i always expected more nowadays. It was wrong for me. I told myself the day when im with you that i shouldn't be expecting, plus this situation is already there when i even got together with you, even more so i shldn't feel like that. At the beginning, i was passive to everything cuz i think you need more comfort. Not saying you are weak, i just think i should be more understanding and i really want you to be a happier person. But now, im becoming more like what i am. I dont know whether its good or bad but thats how i've changed.


There are alot of things i still haven do with you yet. And i always feel that time is running out.. Im not sure its because of my enlistment that make me feel this way or is it just a feeling to complete something together with you??? I know we are putting our main problems aside and be happy together. But it doesn't mean what we are having now are all in pretence. Its not a show. UGHHH!~ i dont know what im pointing on anymore. Just confused.

sigh just random thoughts that needed to say out.. nothing much.
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Letting you go is said easier than being done. So what I would be able to tell all my friends, including you, that i would let you go if you really wanted to. Cuz the truth is i will never be brave enough to make the decision to leave you. Im afraid of regretting it again. What if i regretted leaving you cuz you are now a great part of my life and i know i still love you?? I am not that kind that play with feelings, relationships and people. Once i've decided to step myself into this, there will be no turning back. This is how i am. I dont know what i should deserve but i know what i wanted. I did think of all sort of solutions but the only thing i figured out for the best of you is to leave you so that you can be happier. This is so contradicting and complicated. One moment i felt i dont want you to leave or me leaving you, the other, i felt that if i am able to leave you, you could be happier. and i know you felt the same. Sometimes im just wondering if im doing the right thing to stay cuz everytime things happened, its just not that simple. You gotta struggle your own feelings towards him and mine. It sucks ttm. This is also the reason why you cant assured me with securities and love me more.

And because of this, i knew i've changed. I always wanted to you feel something more towards me. Not him. I guess im just jealous. Im just a normal person that felt jealous when they know their gf is feeling something towards their ex. Im no different. How am i suppose to make the decision without feeling anything towards you???

Can someone really tell me what to do???
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Its been more than 1 week since i came back from that boring trip to Hai Yai with my family. Now its my baby's turn to go Taiwan for abt a week. Flying tml. Hmm.. Gonna miss her??? =(((
We had been spending time together and nothing much happened except for things had became better after my 4 days trip.

During this week, I felt that things became normal again. Is like back to where we started off. Im not sure how much longer it will last but at least i know that we are both trying out stuff. Stuff that makes us either closer or apart. (Our own problems and differences). Yes there are still certain feelings that my gf needs time to figure out, but i'd decided to stay no matter how she feels. I would not say that all our uncertainties and insecurities are gone but i would say that as long as 1 day we are still together, im going to love her the way i do for now, even i know one day i would end up with a broken heart.. For this time, I never want to regret again.

Today is the first match for open mens 'B' division for AMK. Vs Tanjong Pagar. Even i kept saying "nvm" to my coach and teammates, I still hate the fact that i never get to play. Yea we won.. BUT HOW BORING! ZZZ! Was damn affected by it.. sigh. Guess i had to blame on own for the lack of committment and attendance..

Have to thanks my gf who sat there alone for ard 2 hrs.. P.S THANK YOU! Mwahhhhhhhh. =P
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