Thursday, June 24, 2010
Hi. This is Abby, girlfriend of this adorable blog owner. I have no idea who reads or watches this space, but it doesn't really matter anyway.So anyway, I was reading the archives, ever since you knew me which was hmmmm october/ november till now? And I've realized so many things. First of all, you've changed in many ways. I'm not saying that I changed you, don't get me wrong, but you've changed all the same. The way you talk, the way you think, the whole thought process, the grammar, vocabulary and language (hehe). Did I really make you become a man before army was given a chance to do its job, sweetheart? hahahaha alright, people who don't have a clue about me must think I'm gloating about how greatly I've impacted your life (hahaha) but I really am not. You've changed my life in many more ways than I ever changed yours.
When you met me, the complications in my life just started. I got out of a two and a half year relationship that my world revolved around, and even though I wasn't a complete mess, but I was messed up nonetheless. The last thing I wanted was to be in another relationship, and I knew I'd never fall for anyone else, because I don't fall for people easily, you know I build my defenses up very well, and that I do a splendid job at keeping them up. But then you came along and you changed everything and I pushed you away when I realised I was starting to cave in and fall for you because forcing myself not to fall for you and fighting my heart every single day was getting harder and harder the more time I spent with you and the more you fought for me, the more you fought to break my strong and hard exterior down.
You're different, you know that? You always say I'm different, different from any other girl you've ever met. But you yourself are a different kind of boy altogether, impossible to find. Sometimes I may get frustrated and I tell you that you don't have a clue how to handle me, but I do know for a fact that you know me. And it's not easy to know me hahahah I think a lot and I think in a completely way from you (I know it's really hard for you sometimes, sorry pumpkin luvvv you).
Yeah, we had "bad times", or whatever people want to call it. It was the way it was supposed to be, I never meant to come with all these complications, I never meant to carry all these things along with me into this relationship but you knew it was already going to be like that, I told you countless times before we got together, and even at the moment that you asked me to be with you, before I gave you an answer. Yeah, I may have needed more time. Yes, maybe I should've asked you to give me more time, to ask you to wait for me to figure everything out and sort everything out. Maybe I needed to be alone for a longer time than was given to me, maybe I met you too early, maybe if I met you later than I did it would have been perfect. Maybe so many things happened everyday that were tough for me, maybe the situation I was placed in every single day made it tough for our relationship, maybe it required endless trust in me on your part, maybe I hurt you at times, maybe I got tired at times fighting to do the right thing every single day even though it was hard.
Yeah, there were stuff we went through that people barely had to go through in the first few months of their relationships, or perhaps even for the whole entire length of their relationships. Yeah, maybe it was tiring, maybe people judged me, saw it as me complicating your life or me putting you through hell, me being not worth it, not worth what you're going through.
But I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, I stopped giving a shit from the moment my heart broke 8 or 9 months ago. All I knew was that you wanted me, you wanted to be with me even when I pushed you away, even when I wanted you to take the easy way out. I am not going to deny that I would have never did what you did for me, for you or anyone else. I would have never been able to take it from the start. But like you said, we're different.
And you know what? If I had to do it all over again, I would. I'd do it the exact same way. Because I have never regretted this relationship, I have never regretted choosing to be with you. And what we went through? Only helped me to see how much you loved me, how you saw me, and how special and different you were from any other boy. If we didn't go through what we went through, it probably wouldn't be the exact way it is now. Maybe it'd be better, maybe it'd be worse, who knows? But fact is, it would have never been the EXACT way that it is now, and I wouldn't trade this for anything right now. No other human being on the face of this earth besides you and me will ever understand it fully, people can try to understand, but no one will truly be able to. This is one of those things you have to go through yourself before completely understanding it and knowing what it means.
So, if you haven't gone through it, you have no clue how it is like, even if you think you're smart and can see beyond everything and have wonderful perception skills, the hard fact is that you really don't know shit, so until you've been through it yourself, then let me know I'd be happy to listen. (this is to everyone who has judged me being with this cutie pie, judged my life and my relationship, tyvm :) )
Life's tough sometimes, and it's never fair. The past 6-9 months have been hell for me in aspects not involving you. But guess what? You made it completely worthwhile. Every single time I gave you a chance to walk away, you never did. Every single time I practically forced you to walk away, you never ever did. You fought to stay, you fought for me. And now you've got me. This relationship was never easy. Life is never easy at times. But if it was always easy, would it even be worth it?
I don't believe in forever, I stopped believing in forever a long time ago. I mean like, how can anyone be 100% sure of anything right? Nothing in this life is completely predictable, unexpected things happen all the time, unexpected turn of events occur all the time. I've been through enough, relationship-wise, to learn that, to realize that. So why make promises we never know for sure if we can keep right? Why just base promises on what we feel at that moment itself, when years down the road we might not feel the same? Promises mean a lot to me, and the agenda and reasoning behind keeping them is also important and pressing to me. Just because we think we are 100% certain about something, just because we think we can predict the future and we think we can control the outcome of the situation, doesn't mean that it is going to happen.
The ugly truth is that life is a bitch sometimes, it smacks you hard in the face when you least expect it. But the important thing is to realize that every single time you fall hard on your face, there is a reason. Yeah, whoever who said that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON was completely correct. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. "People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Awesome shizzzz yaaa?
So I love you. Not forever, because nobody can ever promise you that. But I hope it'll be Always, for us. You know what I mean better than anyone else, baby.
What's coming up next is army, and the prospect of me going overseas to study. I have no idea what will happen then, I have no idea what it is going to be like, but I'll try my hardest to make it all worth it. I want you to know that whatever happens, I'll always be thankful to have met you, and I would do it all over again if I had the chance.
Thank you for the past six and a half months, I apologize for everything you went through (although you did so willingly, teeheehee hehehehehe) for me. You are one hell of a boyfriend and I'm a lucky girl yay :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
muackxzxzxzzzzzz luvvvvvv you so much bb I hope Always will stand true for us :)
(okie this is such a long post, and it sounds so formal idk why!! maybe i haven't blogged in too long alr, so i formalized the whole process! hehe)
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010
hi love, you are the absolute best thing that has happened to me.with all my heart,
abby
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Words of appreciation
Monday, June 21, 2010
First of all, i would like to say thank you. Thank you my girlfriend who meticulously did an album of our memories ever since the day i met her for our 6th month of being together.Yes.. Time is going by at the speed of light. Very soon later, im going to enlist. I have so much to say, so much to tell. But all in all, you are the only one that im always talking about.
Being with you for the past 6 months, i had learnt alot of things too. Things that didn't matter to me once before, now do. I think of things in so many different ways now and most of all, im thankful cause it makes me feel that i grew older and feel more real towards everything - i feel more like a "man" now. *dont laugh/roll eyes please. =)
Oh plus im verbally more expressive too, isn't it??
During this period of time, no matter how hard the situation may have been, we braved through it together. In the process, you and me had learnt of the important aspects of each other's characters, understood it and finally accepted it. In other words, we grew closer and understood each other more.
When i said you are special, im referring to how you think and how you express yourself. This might not be the first time you are hearing it from someone's mouth, but i can tell you not much girls think and speak like you babe. So, this really makes you special. As time goes by, you are obviously more and more special to me. It would be weird if you aren't. For all you know, you have already stepped into my life and played a great part in it. I like that.
Last but not least, what makes me feel that this album is so special to me is that it recounts the past 6 months-half a year. Still scares me to realise the number of months that have passed by so quickly. But then again, its the happy times that passed so quickly isn't it?
So once again, im very grateful and thankful for you for being my girlfriend and using your hardwork to write ALL those feelings out into words. Im truly touched. It may seem like nothing much to you, but you know me. I amplifiy good stuff 10 times bigger than bad stuff. I will take all this into my heart. I hope I love you, always sweetie.
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The Sands Of Time
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I wish we had another time,I wish we had another place,
But everything we have is stuck in the moment,
And there's nothing my heart can do
To fight with time and space 'cause I'm still stuck in the moment with you..
I felt regretful for not giving you enough time and i still thought it was perfect. If i could turn back time now, i would do whatever it takes, to make it right again. But it is too late now.. Im sorry babe. I was naive. It was me living in my own world then. If it wasn't for these, you probably weren't have to deal with what you did in the past 6 months.
I just wanna apologise to you babe..
Sigh.. these are all just me and my thoughts.
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Friday, June 4, 2010
I wish i could have know you earlier, love.
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Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I cant wait to spend this 2 weeks of holidays with you. I hope it will be different from the previous one and we'll gonna have alot of fun. Plus all the remaining time that i have before NS. Thank you darling. You're the BEST! =)))Our checklist will be full of ticks!!!!
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