Long before i met you, I'd been a very bad guy. A guy that even me hated myself at that time. A guy that i never knew i would end up becoming. I was immature and rebellious. All i wanted to do was to do stuff that were wrong and numb myself. At least i thought it would make myself feel better. I simply just wanna screw up my life during that period of time.

Until one day, I finally start to think about how i shouldn't be doing all the bad stuff and put my focus back to studies and basketball. Slowly, I've changed. I stopped doing all the bad stuff and became a person that i was before i screwed up. I thought somehow i grew up from the hard way and became a better person.

Afterwards, i found you. Certainly, i never thought i would be so crazily in love with you. It had never crossed my mind that i would have open up myself to you that easily and let you know all my secrets the first day i went out with you. Since then, I'd come clean of what had happened before my life without you. I'd never want to hide from you or lie to you in any thing that happened. Its just that sometimes, it wasn't as clear.

I dont know how many people will be seeing this.. but i just wanna apologise.. I thought what i told you was enough but now, you were struggling with what i did in my past. It striked me that it wasn't enough and i could do nothing but to see you struggling it yourself everyday. Seriously, i felt damn useless sometimes. At times like this, i cant do anything but to see you pushing it aside from your mind and be okay. I suck.

You asked me whether are you different from others that i met in the past, at the overhead bridge last night. And my answer is Yes, you are. And im not afraid of other people knowing that as well. Apart from where we met, I only started to know you the first day that we went out. The way when you were talking to me on the first day, i thought you were already trying to push me away. But as we know each other further, i realised that you are just not that kind of person that put your guard down easily, you use that smarty brain of yours to think stuff before you say anything or act anything and you really care for whom you care for, which really attracts me to you alot. Of cuz there were more, but these are the important ones. By that time, i knew i wanted to be with you. I knew im not just ready for anyone, but you. You dont give yourself a chance to do wrong stuff. And being your boyfriend like that, Im fortunate.

And because of this, i know its harder for you to get over what i did in my past. It was all my past but doesn't mean you should accept it. Now, as much as i hated it, i would say that i am fine if you wanna leave. Everytime it appears in my mind to tell you, i just couldn't do it. I really scare that you will leave me. Its only a matter of time that you are gonna leave me if you couldn't accept it. And i hope that day never comes..

P.S to all : Above are all my thoughts that were meant for my girlfriend only.
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