So anyway, I was reading the archives, ever since you knew me which was hmmmm october/ november till now? And I've realized so many things. First of all, you've changed in many ways. I'm not saying that I changed you, don't get me wrong, but you've changed all the same. The way you talk, the way you think, the whole thought process, the grammar, vocabulary and language (hehe). Did I really make you become a man before army was given a chance to do its job, sweetheart? hahahaha alright, people who don't have a clue about me must think I'm gloating about how greatly I've impacted your life (hahaha) but I really am not. You've changed my life in many more ways than I ever changed yours.

When you met me, the complications in my life just started. I got out of a two and a half year relationship that my world revolved around, and even though I wasn't a complete mess, but I was messed up nonetheless. The last thing I wanted was to be in another relationship, and I knew I'd never fall for anyone else, because I don't fall for people easily, you know I build my defenses up very well, and that I do a splendid job at keeping them up. But then you came along and you changed everything and I pushed you away when I realised I was starting to cave in and fall for you because forcing myself not to fall for you and fighting my heart every single day was getting harder and harder the more time I spent with you and the more you fought for me, the more you fought to break my strong and hard exterior down.

You're different, you know that? You always say I'm different, different from any other girl you've ever met. But you yourself are a different kind of boy altogether, impossible to find. Sometimes I may get frustrated and I tell you that you don't have a clue how to handle me, but I do know for a fact that you know me. And it's not easy to know me hahahah I think a lot and I think in a completely way from you (I know it's really hard for you sometimes, sorry pumpkin luvvv you).

Yeah, we had "bad times", or whatever people want to call it. It was the way it was supposed to be, I never meant to come with all these complications, I never meant to carry all these things along with me into this relationship but you knew it was already going to be like that, I told you countless times before we got together, and even at the moment that you asked me to be with you, before I gave you an answer. Yeah, I may have needed more time. Yes, maybe I should've asked you to give me more time, to ask you to wait for me to figure everything out and sort everything out. Maybe I needed to be alone for a longer time than was given to me, maybe I met you too early, maybe if I met you later than I did it would have been perfect. Maybe so many things happened everyday that were tough for me, maybe the situation I was placed in every single day made it tough for our relationship, maybe it required endless trust in me on your part, maybe I hurt you at times, maybe I got tired at times fighting to do the right thing every single day even though it was hard.

Yeah, there were stuff we went through that people barely had to go through in the first few months of their relationships, or perhaps even for the whole entire length of their relationships. Yeah, maybe it was tiring, maybe people judged me, saw it as me complicating your life or me putting you through hell, me being not worth it, not worth what you're going through.

But I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, I stopped giving a shit from the moment my heart broke 8 or 9 months ago. All I knew was that you wanted me, you wanted to be with me even when I pushed you away, even when I wanted you to take the easy way out. I am not going to deny that I would have never did what you did for me, for you or anyone else. I would have never been able to take it from the start. But like you said, we're different.

And you know what? If I had to do it all over again, I would. I'd do it the exact same way. Because I have never regretted this relationship, I have never regretted choosing to be with you. And what we went through? Only helped me to see how much you loved me, how you saw me, and how special and different you were from any other boy. If we didn't go through what we went through, it probably wouldn't be the exact way it is now. Maybe it'd be better, maybe it'd be worse, who knows? But fact is, it would have never been the EXACT way that it is now, and I wouldn't trade this for anything right now. No other human being on the face of this earth besides you and me will ever understand it fully, people can try to understand, but no one will truly be able to. This is one of those things you have to go through yourself before completely understanding it and knowing what it means.

So, if you haven't gone through it, you have no clue how it is like, even if you think you're smart and can see beyond everything and have wonderful perception skills, the hard fact is that you really don't know shit, so until you've been through it yourself, then let me know I'd be happy to listen. (this is to everyone who has judged me being with this cutie pie, judged my life and my relationship, tyvm :) )

Life's tough sometimes, and it's never fair. The past 6-9 months have been hell for me in aspects not involving you. But guess what? You made it completely worthwhile. Every single time I gave you a chance to walk away, you never did. Every single time I practically forced you to walk away, you never ever did. You fought to stay, you fought for me. And now you've got me. This relationship was never easy. Life is never easy at times. But if it was always easy, would it even be worth it?

I don't believe in forever, I stopped believing in forever a long time ago. I mean like, how can anyone be 100% sure of anything right? Nothing in this life is completely predictable, unexpected things happen all the time, unexpected turn of events occur all the time. I've been through enough, relationship-wise, to learn that, to realize that. So why make promises we never know for sure if we can keep right? Why just base promises on what we feel at that moment itself, when years down the road we might not feel the same? Promises mean a lot to me, and the agenda and reasoning behind keeping them is also important and pressing to me. Just because we think we are 100% certain about something, just because we think we can predict the future and we think we can control the outcome of the situation, doesn't mean that it is going to happen.

The ugly truth is that life is a bitch sometimes, it smacks you hard in the face when you least expect it. But the important thing is to realize that every single time you fall hard on your face, there is a reason. Yeah, whoever who said that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON was completely correct. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. "People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Awesome shizzzz yaaa?

So I love you. Not forever, because nobody can ever promise you that. But I hope it'll be Always, for us. You know what I mean better than anyone else, baby.

What's coming up next is army, and the prospect of me going overseas to study. I have no idea what will happen then, I have no idea what it is going to be like, but I'll try my hardest to make it all worth it. I want you to know that whatever happens, I'll always be thankful to have met you, and I would do it all over again if I had the chance.

Thank you for the past six and a half months, I apologize for everything you went through (although you did so willingly, teeheehee hehehehehe) for me. You are one hell of a boyfriend and I'm a lucky girl yay :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

muackxzxzxzzzzzz luvvvvvv you so much bb I hope Always will stand true for us :)

(okie this is such a long post, and it sounds so formal idk why!! maybe i haven't blogged in too long alr, so i formalized the whole process! hehe)